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| Poffy
The Cucumber | Jon
Dunmore | | |
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Dec 2005.
Let us know you want one, by clicking
here.
When we receive enough requests to tip over a marmoset (our
goals aren't high), Poffy's T-shirts will immediately go into production.
Top
of Page | | Greetings,
You're here because you're a Movie Maniac. That makes three of
us.
I'm Jon Dunmore and this is my vegetable mascot, Poffy The Cucumber.
Someone once made the mistake of telling him he was a Movie Reviewer. So now he
reviews movies. I can't tell whether his reviews are any good because I can't
read Cucumberish.
Since Poffy can't type (his mandatory cartoon gloves
get in the way), or read his own squiggly handwriting (he was taught by a cabbage
- and you know that ain't right), he has asked me to tabulate his musings
under pain of desmontification. (The last time I was desmontificated, I only got
three of my ducks back, so I don't want to go through that again!) Thusly,
late at night, when I should be out spending time with someone else's wife, I'm
spending time at the office, writing articles for the little green guy.
So the least you can do is make my time worthwhile and read them. I hope you can
read Cucumberish...
FEB 2010:
Poffy completes his 500th review. We're sure the Medal Of Freedom invitation has been lost in the mail...
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P.O. Box
370069, Reseda CA 91337-0069.
Physical location: Los Angeles, California,
land of milk, honey, porn stars and the Flat Earth Theory.
E-Mail
Us
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| | | Regular
Readers, you may see movie review pages with changing design elements - don't
panic, there's no conspiracy (at least, that's what my CIA insider tells me);
it's just Poffy and I adding more upscale elements to the machinery, as we go
along.
All the while trying to scare up the time to review more movies
whilst selling our clunky Social Commentaries to the lowest bidders...
ONE DAY, this site will contain every movie you've ever seen - or at least every
movie that we've ever seen...
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Website Design
and Maintenance:
Jon Dunmore
Head Writer, Cartoonist: Jon Dunmore
Poffy The Cucumber:
Himself
Website
hosted by:
Hostbaby
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Put Poffy on your desktop:
Click on the design size you want and then right-click
and select "Set as Background."
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May 2007
Whenever
you see the above banner, it is because the article it accompanies has been DELETED
from the Internet Movie Database (IMDb) by the
"democratic" process of one outraged user "reporting abuse"
and IMDb gutlessly dumping my article as if it was advocating Nazism or Killing
Babies. Or deleted for no reason at all.
Like all movie lovers, I visit IMDb constantly, but - like Craig's
List - the fundamentalists and Unfree Speechers have infiltrated this excellent
forum, and instead of policing the User Comments for QUALITY (you know, those
stupid, unimportant aspects like good grammar, spelling and creativity), IMDb
would much rather delete comments creative enough to actually take readers beyond
their provincialism. Because one retard says so.
After
all the lip service paid to heroism and democracy in these United Stetes, it seems ironic
that the slightest shiver of heroic divergence is stultified by the minority of
cowards in authority.
My articles are anything but heroic or subversive,
but I guess they're just a little Too Free for IMDb...
--Poffy the Cucumber
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Poffy
The Cucumber is copyrighted to Jon Dunmore © 2005, and the character and
his name may not be used without permission.
"Poffy The Cucumber's Movie
Mania" is the official website of Poffy The Cucumber ©
and a
division of Egomania Records ®.
All movie reviews are the original work of Jon Dunmore and may not be duplicated
without permission. Plagiarism is an offense punishable by being slapped
senseless with a cabbage.
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